MOMS Club® of Macedon / Walworth NY

International Moms Club Address: www.momsclub.org

Three years ago I went to my refrigerator and found a newspaper clipping on the door.  It read, “Local chapters plan monthly meetings with interesting speakers and discussions, park play days, special outings for mothers and their children, playgroups, MOMS Night Out, and babysitting co-ops!”  Since I worked outside the home up until my second child, Peter, was born, I was new at being an at-home mother with a very active two-year old and a three-month to care for.  Overwhelmed and depressed, I felt lost in my new “career”.  At least when I was working, I left my responsibilities at the end of the day.  My husband, Matt, saw an article in our local Ad Net newspaper, cut it out, and left it where I would see it.  I was ready to try anything, so I packed up my kids and attended the Founders’ Day Open House in April, 2003.  It took about five minutes of being in the room full of moms to ask who to make out my $20 check to.   As I completed my renewal at last month’s meeting, I realized I wanted to share with others not only why I joined initially, but why I still am a member.

 The first field trip I attended was a story and craft activity at Borders.  The store employee read a story and then handed out craft kits of baby chicks to be put together to each of the children.  My daughter, Maggie, the very active one, ran off while the kits were being handed out.  When we returned to the children’s area, all of the kits had been handed out and there wasn’t one for Maggie to assemble.  And it didn’t seem to bother the sales lady that we were the only ones without a kit.  Instead of offering an alternative, her comment to me was, “It’s not my fault, we don’t usually get this many kids.”  As I mentioned before, I was suffering from depression.  And I was in the process of weaning Peter super fast so I could get started on an anti-depressant, so my hormones were out-of-control.  I was angry and quickly started hooking Peter back into the stroller.  In the two seconds I took to buckle him in, I heard the lovely sales lady not so nicely say, “Get down from there!  Where is her mother?”  I whipped around to find Maggie climbing a book display.  It was more than I could take.  I bitterly responded with, “Well, if she had a chick to make, she wouldn’t be climbing!” and stormed towards the front of the store with Maggie on my hip and pushing the stroller.  I had just gotten to the door, when I heard someone calling my name.  I turned around to see Cathy Colbert chasing after me.  She asked if I was okay.  Holding back tears, I admitted that no I wasn’t and I was dealing with depression.  I cried all the way home.  But later that afternoon, Cathy called to find out if I was okay and to lend an ear.  I was overwhelmed someone I had just met not only understood how I felt, but also cared enough to let me know.  I don’t think I will ever forget her kindness to me that day. 

In the months that followed I realized why I never truly felt complete in my life.  All I ever wanted to be was a mom.  And although it is the toughest job I’ll ever do, it is the most gratifying and the one I do best.  I know I would not have the confidence or validation I feel now as a mother without MOMS Club.  I made some very good friends who I will have for life.  But I also felt such a connection to the entire club, I consider all my fellow chapter members more than just acquaintances.  We are bonded by our common denominator – motherhood.  Being around other moms who want to provide their kids with a happy and healthy childhood inspire me to be a better mom.  I also feel validated that I am not alone, or failing as a mom, when I witnessed others struggle with some of the same issues I did.  I have picked up new ideas and strategies for dealing with the challenges of caring for my kids.  I also find strength in your company, and rarely overreact as I did on that day at Borders.

 On my way into Borders for that first field trip, I introduced myself to a mom who was very pregnant and holding the hand of her two-year old, Lexi.  Shortly after that I was placed in a playgroup and was excited to see her familiar face again.  And then in awe when I learned Barb not only was a stay-at-home mom, but also the spouse of a deployed soldier.  Eric was stationed in Afghanistan for eleven months and was only given a short leave when Paige was born in the middle of his deployment.  What impressed me even more was the support Barb received after Paige’s birth through MOMS Miracles.  I had received a handful of meals from friends after the birth of each of my children, but this organized meal therapy was amazing.  And I was only beginning to see the support MOMS Club could provide.  Barb regularly credits MOMS Club with getting her through those eleven LONG months.

 By May, 2003, I volunteered to be the chapter’s Publicity Coordinator.  I have also helped out on the Nominating and Family Picnic Committees and chaired the Car Seat Inspection Committee.  I am involved and have a purpose beyond changing diapers and wiping noses.  More than just the Mommy side of my brain is active in my life.  But I get to choose how much energy I spend on my kids, and how much on other activities.  There isn’t a time clock to punch or a boss with a different agenda.  The opportunities provided by the MOMS Club wouldn’t be available to me if I was “just” an at-home mom.

 In November, 2004, our club was hit with an unthinkable tragedy.  Cathy Colbert, one of our chapter’s founders and key members, died suddenly.  The Club’s response to support Cathy’s husband and two boys was quick and compassionate.  Immediately MOMS Miracles provided meals to feed the Colbert’s extended families who were in from out-of-town.  Fellow members and close friends of Cathy’s cared for her boys to give her husband time to tend to the affairs of planning a wake and funeral, as well as the loss of his wife.  Our chapter continued to provide meals to “Cathy’s boys” for the next six months.  The cookbook our club compiled from members’ favorite recipes was about to go to print.  A dedication page was added in honor of Cathy and the proceeds were donated to the Colbert Boys Trust Fund.  And the support was not limited to Cathy’s family.  At the wake, I witnessed MOMS arriving together in carpools, hugging and wiping each other’s tears as we tried to grasp hold of this terrible reality.  This past October, our chapter’s NYS MOMS Club Luncheon display was dedicated to Cathy.  It highlighted some of the things she was most passionate about – her family, MOMS Club and preserving memories through photos.

 Shortly after Cathy’s death, I was working part-time again.  As the time I had to spend with my kids became more limited, I began to evaluate whether MOMS Club was still beneficial to me.  Again, my husband, Matt, was there with his never ending words of wisdom.  He told me, “Do the activities you enjoy.  Don’t go to things just to go.  Have fun.”  I realized I was just cramming our days and therefore nothing was fun.  It was then I remembered something else Cathy had once said at a meeting – “MOMS Club is about the moms, not the kids.”  She was reminding us the kids activities are there to make our aspirations for our kids easier and possible.

 Not long after Matt helped renew my enthusiasm, on June 13^th of last year, my world turned upside down and changed forever.  Nine months later I am still groping to grasp the reality of his death.  The words, “Thank You” will never feel adequate at expressing my gratitude for the support the MOMS Club has provided Maggie, Peter and I.  Within hours of his passing, even before I left the emergency room at Strong, a string of calls had begun to alert members of our tragedy.  The next day while at the funeral home, I called a couple friends to ask for their help putting together photo boards for Matt’s wake.  That evening my family room was filled with women cropping, cutting and pasting our memories together.  They even got a couple of Matt’s friends into putting together pages.  My “MOMS Club” friends turned out in droves to attend the wake and funeral.  Several called throughout the week to ask my sister what they could do to help.  The members of my playgroup took Peter and Maggie to playgroup to provide the least bit of normalcy to their lives. 

 Then the meals came.  And came.  And then more came.  MOMS Miracles is truly an appropriate name for our meal therapy program.  Our MOMS Miracles Coordinator, Sue, was overwhelmed with calls to bring us meals.  For me, it was more than having a prepared meal delivered daily.  The elimination of meal planning, grocery shopping, meal preparation and clean-up saved me invaluable time and more importantly energy I needed to focus elsewhere.  And I looked forward to the smiling face at the door each day.  In a time of extreme grief, knowing I was loved and cared for was at the core of what I really needed.  Then some of those who signed up for meals had the kids and me over for dinner, or took us out to dinner, so we wouldn’t have to eat alone.

 Then there’s the babysitting.  What an invaluable asset I have through my friends and our chapter.  Gone is the convenience of getting my haircut or going to the doctor’s office after my husband gets home from work.  Added is the business end of our new lives, along with grief counseling for all of us, and add in the need to simply take time for myself.  Without all of you who have taken on my kids in addition of your own from time to time, I would be drowning in all there is for me to do.

 But there’s more that MOMS Club provided for me.  An opportunity to give back.  Once I was cooking again for my family, I signed up to bring meals to others.  The words, “Thank You” seem too small and not enough for what I have received, MOMS Miracles is one of the ways it feels good to me to show my appreciation.  I am again co-chairing the Car Seat Safety Inspection.  I’m involved and that’s good.  I am doing for others again.  I have activities to attend.  I only missed one MOMS Night Out until last June.  In February I became active again with MNO.  And it’s good to be back.

 Over the past three years, the kids and I have made friends and visited new places we would not have gone alone.  We have received help, and also helped out.  I have taken advantage of opportunities to work my brain, and keep the creative juices flowing.  I have the opportunity to give back, and teach my kids the value of giving back.  All of this is what I got out of the MOMS Club prior to last June.  That is why the MOMS Club means so much to me.  A place I am accepted for me, understood as a mother, a place for my kids and I to grow and learn.  An opportunity for me to belong to something good.  And for me, belonging is good in itself.

For more information please contact our Membership Vice President (MVP) Kait at momsclubmw@yahoo.com.

Copyright © 2006 MOMS Club of Macedon/Walworth NY